dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
