Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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