bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
