Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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