I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
