Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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