the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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