He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
