Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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