I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
