Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Randomize
