update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
