and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
