If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Green mimosas i think yes
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
