I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
