I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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