I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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