he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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