I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
