I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
