I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
