We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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