My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
