even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
All the doctor said was why
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize