i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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