the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
