Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
