even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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