I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
