dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
