FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
