a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
