I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
