Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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