I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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