it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
