he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
