I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize