Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
