guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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