Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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