I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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