He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
