She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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