i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
