Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Less talking, more tequila
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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