I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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