Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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