If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize