Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
