I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
