His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
