He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
