We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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