how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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