Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
