I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
