he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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