i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
