Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
