I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
