Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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