God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
