he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize