4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
