And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
God I need to hump something, right now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
