I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize