I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
