everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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