i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
