accomplished twins. life is a go
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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