So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
