Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
